just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize