you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
