im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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