I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize