conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize