New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
