Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
