Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We're too hungover to prance.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
