I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We just shotgunned beers for America
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
