i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
