When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
