So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
