you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
