I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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