she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
