Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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