11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think your dad took our porno
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
