well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
