Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i think i have two assholes
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
