The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize