I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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