i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
