New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
