Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
