i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
