I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
