in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Farmville is her only friend.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize
