Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
