When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
