I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
