Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize