Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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