apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
