Just cropdusted the office
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
