saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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