booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
as a side note pls kill me
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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