So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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