he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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