He kissed a someone with a penis
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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