zippers are such a cool invention
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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