we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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