I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize