theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize