I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
