I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
