can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
