return my video game
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
