I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my being single is dangerous.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
