I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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