I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
