i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize