I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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