Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
