K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
