i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
