Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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