we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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