At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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