He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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