i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
