i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
