I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
