New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
