what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
