I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
