he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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